Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
