an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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