this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
