Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
