Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
