drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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