And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
