I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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