What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize