Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
