i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
