I just found puke in my bra..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
