You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
