the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize