on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
