Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
