Will you blow on my dice?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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