I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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