No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
