Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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