Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
