I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
