i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
