The maid of honor just puked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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