she woke up with a sticky ear
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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