Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
