I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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