i love accidental penises.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize