I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
