she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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