What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
