I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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