i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
