Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
