I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
