im six kinds of drunk right now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
