break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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