Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
