How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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