I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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