I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
