some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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