You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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