hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
