Your dad touched me again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
