Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
