Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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