I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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