I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
