He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
