I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
