Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
