My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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