i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
