Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
