Kiss
Puke
I wish I could teleport
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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