I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize