i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
