she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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