I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
