you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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