all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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