I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
