We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sober January is a disaster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize