just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
