i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
