I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
