I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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