Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
