Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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