I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Are my feet made of real feet?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
