As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
