I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
