I think i peed on brittanys purse
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
