I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
