I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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