Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
