So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
