you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize