Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
