This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
