yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize