oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
