if you like me you must not know who I am
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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