i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
