someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
