guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
