I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
