Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize