I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
