the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
