his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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