Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
