wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
