u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
