Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
