i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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