Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
