that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
