No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
