What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize