Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
